The Zim Chronicles
by ItsukaFuuryu
Summary: Seemingly normal teen girls live the world of IZ. Very funny and extremely random with maybe few inside jokes, allusions to other entertainment, and MAJOR BUSH BASHING! Rating may change. The story gets a bit creepy later. Reviews welcomed.
1. Chapter 1

Hi all! Yeah, I know, "why isn't she updating GGSS?!" Chill out ppl, I'm having a bit of writer's block, plus remember that I am supremely ADHD.

This story is a collaboration of me, kazumigirl, and two other writers whom I'll refer to as UnderTheInfluence and Rusty Shacklefold, and a guest writer whom I'll call DragonFisher (I'm not sure what else to call her). Reviews are accepted greatly but this was written mostly for fun.

Summery: Seemingly normal teen girls live the world of IZ. Very funny and extremely random with maybe few inside jokes, allusions to other entertainment, and MAJOR BUSH BASHING! Rated for safety. The story gets a bit creepy later. Reviews welcomed.

Disclaimer: None of us own IZ or anything else except the new names.

I welcome you to our insanity….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE ZIM CHRONICLES

_About three months ago, Lizz had been wandering about, waiting for her friends Katt and Erika when she meant Gir walking down the street. The little robot claimed Lizz as his "taco-wife" and they've been together ever since. That's how everyone knows each other already._

………………..

"Wow! I so glad we finally found this shop!" Erika exclaimed as she and Katt walked into the store. "I can't wait to try out that bottomless Oreo bag!"

They found the Oreos and about 3 other items they wanted and went to the checkout. Erika fished around in her pockets, but felt nothing bet lent, the combination the Kaiba's safe, (life savings), a dead ant, and a letter from Cassie who was far away in Cephiro battling Lantis. She looked helplessly at her friend.

"Oh, alright!" Katt ripped out her Penguin Empress credit card, "but you really need to quit leaving your wallet in Dora the Explorer land."

"Swiper's just so tricky," Erika replied. "I can never remember what to say to him when I don't want him to swipe my stuff."

The bored clerk took the card and punched in the numbers. A he did, Erika and Katt began to argue about whether pears were fruit or garbage, and the clerk looked at them. "Um, it says here that you're not a legal citizen."

"I am too," Katt hands flew to her hips, "I am most certainly legal!"

"Not according to your card. It says here that you legally abandoned your rights to this country when you left to rule Antarctica. You even left your signature as, 'So long, Bush! My penguins will devour your soul!'"

Erika stared at Katt. "Is there something you need to tell me, Catelyn?"

The clerk cleared his throat and said, "Well, due to this harsh immigration law Bush brought in, I'm afraid I'll have to sick Man-eating monkeys on you or ship you to Abu Dhabi. Unless you're married to someone in this country who is a citizen."

Erika shrugged. "Oh, well, in that case, she's married to me."

The clerk shook his head. "Bush also banned gay marriages."

"Drat!" Erika looked a t her friend forlornly and Katt whimpered, "What'll I do?"

The clerk picked up the phone and began to dial the white house, but Erika held down the talk button/bar and asked, "How long does she have to show proof of this marriage?"

"Until…" the clerk's face turned dark and his voice grew deep and raspy, "sunset…."

"C'mon, Catelyn," Erika toll off with Katt. "I have just the plan!"

Meanwhile, at Skool, Zim and Dib were calling each other names under their breath as the class participated in "Doomed Silence Time." Suddenly, the two girls rushed in and Katt screamed, "They're all so unproportioned!"

Erika scanned the room and snapped her fingers. She raced up to Zim. "There you are! Catelyn meet your new husband!"

Meanwhile, Lizz and Gir were eating Cheese Nips and drinking root beer while watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

"I love the little transvestites," Gir remarked. "I love them good."

Lizz suddenly shuttered. "My Katt senses are tingling."

Lizz took her litter robot husband by the hand and rushed out the door. Then she remembered that Gir wasn't in his doggy disguise and told him to run back and put it on. Once all that confusion was over, Lizz and Gir rushed up to Skool.

Lizz observed the room. Erika looked way too pleased with herself while Katt stood silently, blinking her eyes back and forth from Erika to Zim.

"Uh…" Lizz said, to Katt, "what's going on?" Erika leaned toward Lizz and explained the situation in a whisper. "Oh," Lizz said. she shrugged. "Okay."

Zim leaned back in his seat and folded his tiny arms. "What do you _**humans**_ want now?"

Erika shoved Katt forward. "This is my friend, Catelyn. You remember, don't you?" Zim stared. "Anyways, we need you help with something-," Dib broke out in loud laughter.

"Him? Help? You must be crazy!!!" Dib exclaimed.

Erika became indignant. "For you information, I am crazy! What, did it suddenly become a crime?!" Dib silently stared. "Good, he shut up," Erika turned back to Zim. "Look, my friend isn't legal and might get be deported back to Antarctica-,"

"No on lives in-," Dib interrupted.

"SHUT UP!" Lizz, Erika and Katt said in unison.

"Ooooh," Gir said. He smiled brightly. "He got told."

"So, will you act like you're married to her so she can stay?"

Zim raised a brow, "Why should I help a filthy little human like you? What's in it for me?"

Erika practically pushed Katt into Zima's desk, signaling for her to answer.

"First of all," Katt explained. "I am NOT filthy! I am VERY clean! Second of all, here's what you get in return." Katt eyed Dib, who was still dumb-founded, before continuing. "I happen to be the Penguin Empress and I rule Antarctica. I can find a way to help you actually take over the world with my Penguin Army."

Zim began to actually become interested. "I'm listening."

Here's my offer," Katt said, her Libran diplomacy kicking in. "You help me stay in the states, I help you conquer Earth-,"

"Hurray for Earth!" Gir exclaimed. Katt smiled sweetly at the adorable robot, and then turned back to the little green alien. She held out her hand.

"Deal?"

"NOOO!" Dib screamed, coming between Katt and Zim. "You're actually going to help him conquer or world just so you can stay in the States?!"

They looked at him like he was stupid…which his is….

"Uh, yeah," Katt answered. Erika's grin dropped as she looked at Lizz, who looked at her. They were thinking the same thing.

"Yay! We're doomed!" Gir piped happily.

"Look," Dib attempted, "why not just fake a marriage with someone else." He eyed Zim loathfully. "Someone who's actually a citizen."

"You mean like you?" Lizz said sarcastically.

"Well, I…uh…"

"But you're not green!" Katt yelled in disgust.

"And you're gay," Erika added.

"I'm not gay!" Dib hollered.

"Gosh, quit denying it, already," Erika said in irritation. Lizz laughed. Katt sighed and turned to Zim.

"So, do we have an understanding," she said, holding out her hand again, "one alien to another?"

Zim seemed to ponder all this before shaking Katt's hand. "We have a deal." Then the bell rang for lunch.

"Let's go get some tacos," Gir suggested happily. He took both Lizz and Katt by the hand. He looked up at Katt. "Can I call you Mommy?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Okay, this thing is already written and doesn't exactly have set chapters, but I'm dividing that way. Meh.

Reviews Welcomed.


	2. Chapter 2

Meh, better keep this going while I'm on a roll.

Summery: Seemingly normal teen girls live the world of IZ. Very funny and extremely random with maybe few inside jokes, allusions to other entertainment, and MAJOR BUSH BASHING! Rated for safety. The story gets a bit creepy later. Reviews welcomed.

Disclaimer: None of us own IZ or anything else except the new names.

I welcome you to our insanity….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE ZIM CHRONICLES

"This is insane," Dib stood up and cast a finger at them. "You're going to marry an alien who's going to destroy the planet!"

Erika scoffed, "Chill out, Diz, we all know you're jealous, but it's just a ruse."

Lizz suddenly burped extremely loud. For a tiny girl, ber belch sounded like it came from Paul Bunyon. "Those tacos were great."

Dib, Katt and Erika began arguing while Lizz and Gir played with the chalk from the chalk board, seeing as they were back in the classroom. Gir ate a piece. Zim inhaled deeply and cried, "ENOUGH! I will help you _humans_ under one condition. When she is safe from this evil government, she indeed helps me conquer the world."

Erika shrugged. "Okay. Alright, Catelyn," she placed a hand on her friend's shoulder, "I'm off to the white house. You pretend you're married to Zim, kay?"

Katt sighed and said, "But I want to be single…and go with you."

"No," dramatic music played behind Erika. "You must stay…for the good of the Pendant Trilogy…"

Katt frowned. "You're only helping me so I can write more books."

"Well, that, and you're a good pal," Erika opened the window and spun around dramatically. "So long, suckers!" she opened a parachute and fell backwards laughing. They all heard a thud followed by an "Ouch!" and gathered by the window.

"We're on the first story," Dib pointed out as Erika sat up and rubbed the back of her head.

"So you are," Erika stood up. "So you are…." She then bolted into a run.

…………………..

When then skool bell rang, Katt stood by Zim's desk awkwardly. Lizz an dGir had already left to Weight Watchers to watch fat people and eat ice cream in front of them. Zim cocked a brow at her. She blinked at him.

"Come, human FILTH, let us return to my dewling," he said, "where I shall proceed in my world domination plans."

"Okay," Katt said, wishing Erika would come back.

Meanwhile, Erika was headed for the white house. She had to "change" Bush's mind about his immigration policies. She hoped she knew where the white house was located. Meh, she'd find it, eventually.

…………….

Zim and Katt traveled home in silence, and it was a very awkward silence at that. Katt cleared her throat a couple of times, but that was the only conversation they really had. When they reached the oblong-shaped house, Zim frowned at Katt. "You wait here."

Katt frowned skeptically and cocked her head. "Why?"

Zim raised a finger to answered her, then lowered it with a sigh and motioned for her to follow him. She smiled when she spotted Lizz and Gir on the sofa. The little robot was in her lap drinking a milkshake. Lizz smiled back at her and waved. They laughed together and repeated a tune about waffles to each other, and then laughed all over again.

"Do they always do this?" Katt leaned down and asked Zim.

"Yes…."

…………….

"Aha! That must be the white house!" Erika pointed to the white house. "Now, let's go see Mr. Bush, shall we, Dora?"

Dora (the Explorer) looked up at her and frowned sadly. "How could take me away from my home and family?"

"That's the spirit! Now sing the song!"

"But I-,"

Erika shook her fist. "Sing it!"

……………

Katt pressed her nose to the transparent elevator wall, staring in awe at the underground. "This is so cool!" Katt said more to herself.

"Yes it is, now, QUIT TOUCHING!!!" Zim commanded. Katt pulled back for Zim to spray the glass with disinfectant.

"Katt raised an eyebrow. "Dude, chill out."

"I will NOT 'chill out!" Zim protested. "There is evidable reason why I will not 'chill out'! 'Chilling out' is what I will not do!" He became calm. "Thus, I shall not chill out."

Katt blinked. "Issues…."

The elevator came to a halt. Katt exited before Zim, to Zim;s great disapproval. Katt crossed to the huge computer and began typing.

"WAIT!" Zim cried. "What are you doing, you stupid human?!"

Katt frowned. "Helping you conquer Earth. Duh!"

"Hey, how do you know how to use the computer?"

Katt's eyes became wide. "I don't know…." She paused then continued to type.

"So, exactly how are you going to help me in my brilliant conquest?" Zim asked dramatically.

Katt said sweetly, "Patience is a virtue!"

"What are you doing anyway?" Zim said, looking over Katt's shoulder.

"Katt shifted her eyes and blocked Zim's view. "Nothing."

"It's my computer, you swine!"

"I'm doing something!"

They argued childishly until Zim pushed Katt out of the chair. He looked up to find an unfamiliar game with stacking blocks and annoy music.

"I almost had the Tetris high score, stupid head!" Katt whined.

Zim glared at Katt. "You're playing video games on MY COMPUTER?! I don't have to help you, you know! You have unleashed the wrath-,"

"Alright, alright, don't' get your antenea in a twist," Katt said, sitting back in the chair. She typed some more. A picture of Dib with a bunch of useless infor appeared on the screed. "First things first. Get rid of Dib-dweeb."

………….

Erika marched into Pres. Bush's office. He looked up from where he was doodling on some contracts with Japan.

"Who done let you in?" he asked in his southern drawl.

Erika slammed her hand on his desk. "I gots a proposition for ya, Bushy!"

"Excuse me-," Erika hopped on the desk and picked up th little pink teddy bear that leaned against Bush's computer.

"Drop the law, or Fuzzy Wuzzy gets it!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

See what I mean about bashing Bush.

Reviews Welcomed.


	3. Chapter 3

I hope you like this insanity so far. If not, why are you still reading?

Summery: Seemingly normal teen girls live the world of IZ. Very funny and extremely random with maybe few inside jokes, allusions to other entertainment, and MAJOR BUSH BASHING! Rated for safety. The story gets a bit creepy later. Reviews welcomed.

Disclaimer: None of us own IZ or anything else except the new names.

I welcome you to our insanity….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE ZIM CHRONICLES

Lizz and Gir were playing a slap-clap game while their "masters" were in the lab.

"Bacon!" Lizz piped.

"Bacon!" Gir replied.

They repeated this while….

……………..

"Why is this taking so long?!" Zim complained.

"Hold on, you twit, I'm calling in a favor," Katt replied in irritation. A penguin appeared on the screen.

"Yes, My Lady?" said the penguin in high pitch bird like voice.

"I'm sending you info on this kid here," Katt said in a commanding manner. "His name's Dib. I want you to… 'take care of him.'" She paused. "Oh, and tell Number 17 to send over some sushi."

"Yes, My Lady." He went off the screen.

……………..

Over at Dib's house, dib shuttered.

"What now?" Gaz said bitterly.

"I just had the feeling," Dib said in terror. "That some place far away, a penguin wants to kill me."

Gaz roller her eyes and said, "Dib, I'm not even going to try and understand you anymore." She got up and left the sofa to go to her bedroom and drool over Vic Mignogna (whom was her secret passion). Dib sat on the sofa trying to watch the X-Files when his front door suddenly blew open and a dark figure stood in the doorway with rain behind it. Dib screamed.

"Man, it's really pouring out there," Erika said stepping in and pulling the hood of her rain coat down. "Hi! You're Dib right? Ooh! This is my fave episode of the X-files! Can I join you?"

Before Dib could say anything, Erika sat behind him and gave the ending away. He continued to stare in utter confusion and then asked, "Aren't you the friend of the girls who's planning to help Zim take over the world?"

"What? Oh, yah, that's me. I wonder how's she's doing."

Dib nearly blew up. "Don't you care?! Zim's going to turn your friend into an experiment of some sort!"

"Catelyn? Only if she doesn't turn him into an experiment first." She laughed, "that Catelyn, always an adventure!"

She turned to Dib and took his hands in hers. She looked very sincere. "Anyway, Dib, enough about me, let's talk about you. Don't worry, you're not crazy."

"I'm not?"

"No, and I'm behind you every step of the way. You can reach the world, Dib. I know you can."

Dib's eyes watered. "No one's ever spoken to me like that."

"Come with me."

………...

Lizz was staring at the big monkey portrait above the couch when Gir walked in with Mini Moose trailing behind him.

"Whatcha doin'?" Gir asked his wife, pulling a taquito out of his head.

"The same thing I do every day, Gir. Try to-,"

"Squirrel!" Gir tossed the taquito into the air and ran to the side door. Mini Moose caught the taquito in his mouth a floated back into the kitchen.

"Gir! No! That's just the Parental Unit Robots!" Gir opened the door anyway, and the two defective robots sped into the room, clanking and whizzing and shouting about toothpaste and homework.

Gir tossed them both a Scooby-snack and walked into the closet. "Squirrel!" he screamed again, and a penguin dashed into the living room, covered in camouflage and yellow snow.

"Hello, Number 12," Lizz waved. He silently held out a package labeled "Penguin Empress." Lizz took it and the penguin waddled over to the couch and sat down.

Knowing Katt, Lizz figured it was sushi, so she put in the freezer, dodging Piggie when he lunged out past her.

"Piggie!" Lizz and Gir yelled in unison. Piggie ignored them and zoomed over to where the penguin was sitting on the couch. They stared at each other silently, for a very long time. –sparks fly and romantic music is heard—

Piggie blinked and then snorted green snot all over Number 12.

"Aww! He likes him!" Gir squealed.

……………

Down in the lab, Zim's squeetle-y-spooge throbbed. He poked it solemnly until he realized why it was throbbing.

"I sense…LOVE!" he screamed, grabbing Katt by her shoulders and shaking her with all his might (which wasn't much). "DO YOU LOVE ME?!" Zim accused her. She blinked at him blankly for a second then burst out laughing.

"Dude! Am I dragging you around by your hair?" Katt laughed again and scratched her back with her big wooden club.

Zim rolled his eyes at her and took the tube elevator to the ground floor where he found Piggie and Number 12 making eyes at each other, Lizz and Gir techno-dancing to no music, and Mini Moose being chased by the robotic parental units.

……………

Katt stared at the screen, waiting for a reply from Number 26. Her tummy rumbled mercilessly. She pulled out her bottomless bag of Oreos only to find it empty.

"Stupid false advertising!" she spat, tossing the bag over her shoulder. The bag hit a large button, sending a missile to hit one of Saturn's moons.

"Whoops," she said rising. She shrugged. "It has too many anyway."

Katt took the elevator up to the living room to see utter chaos. She noticed Zim looked extremely irritated by it and smiled in amusement. Her tummy grumbled again. She then saw Number 12, her delivery penguin. She rushed to the kitchen freezer and pulled out her sushi.

"My house has become a disaster area," Zim complained.

"Like it wasn't before?" Katt stated, her mouth full of rice and raw fish.

Zim glared at her. "Shouldn't you be doing something?"

"I am doing something," Katt replied pleasantly. "I'm eating."

Of course, but I mean like HELPING ME CONQUER EARTH!"

Katt blinked. "You have some serious anger issues. But, anyways, Number 26 should get back to me soon. And, look," she indicated her wrist communicator, he can no matter where I am."

Zim smiled evilly. "Excellent." Katt snorted. "What?" Zim asked.

"That is so last Tuesday," Katt remarked. She handed out a California Roll. "Want one?"

Zim cringed. "You humans are disgusting."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Reviews Welcomed.


	4. Chapter 4

Summery: Seemingly normal teen girls live the world of IZ. Very funny and extremely random with maybe few inside jokes, allusions to other entertainment, and MAJOR BUSH BASHING! Rated for safety. The story gets a bit creepy later. Reviews welcomed.

Disclaimer: None of us own IZ or anything else except the new names.

I welcome you to our insanity….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE ZIM CHRONICLES

Katt shrugged. "More for me." She popped the Japanese goodness into her mouth. Zim shuttered.

Just then, Lizz walked in. "I don't feel so good." She whined.

"What did you eat?" Katt asked while Zim remained to disgusted to be interested.

"Just 3 tacos, 4 Slim Jims, some candy and Cheese Nips," Lizz replied. "And I drank 2 root beers. I don't understand it!"

Katt stared. Zim left the room muttering something about hoe humans were stupid.

…………..

While Erika and Dib walked down the lane, Dib saw something out of the corner of his eye.

"What was that?" Dib panicked, turning around.

Erika turned too. "It's probably nothing."

They continued to walk until they heard a "gwak" sound.

"There's something following us!" Dib yelled, terrorfied.

Erika rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"I heard a 'gwak'!" Dib exclaimed. "Didn't you hear it?"

Erika's eyes widen. She knew perfectly well that…. Oh, Katt and her schemes!

"Uh…that was me," Erika explained. "It's uh…my new curse word. Now, come on."

Dib continued to follow obediently

…………………

"Ooh, my stomach," Lizz clutched her stomach and practically doubled over. "I guess I should have mentioned I ate 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and that Jello Zim kept in the fridge."

Zim, who was busy yelling at Katt, abruptly stopped and cocked a brow. "What Jello?"

Lizz fell to her knees. "You know? That green jiggly mold?"

Gir clapped his hands and squealed with laughter, "I like the wiggly jiggly!"

Zim'z mouth fell opened and he yelled, "You fool! That wasn't Jello! That was an Irken explosive!!! You'll be blown to smitherines!"

Lizz stopped groaning and stood perfectly still. She then beat her chest a few times with her fist and then belched very loud. It blew Zim, Gir, and Katt against the wall and car alarms went off outside. The monkey in the painting above the couch was whip-lashed and surprised looking.

"well, it was good," Lizz tossed her hair, "C'mon, Gir, let's go egg Dib's house."

"BIG head, he's gotta big head!" Gir cried.

………………..

"You know, I've never had somebody believe me before," Dib said as he and Erika walked down the street, "nobody."

Erika took out a peanut butter sandwich and ate as Dib poured out his life story. "Hey, you want some?" she asked.

"Um, no…that's okay, but seriously, I think ali-,"

"You wouldn't happen to have a glass of milk in your pocket, would you?"

"No, anyway-,"

"We're here!" Erika stopped and pointe d to a building that read, "PAFOLAG". She smiled and said, "I know you can do it."

Dib smiled. "I'm going to do it! I'm going to reach the world! The truth is out there."

Erika smiled. "That's right! It's not in the closet, it's 'out there'!"

"Closet? Um, okay…well, c'mon, let's go in!"

"Right on, my brave little fighter."

Dib chuckled sheepishly. "I am a fighter, aren't I?"

They walked in and Erika waved to a bunch of people sitting around in a circle parked in colorful chairs. They looked at each other, shrugged, and waved back at her. Dib looked like he might explode from excitement. They found chairs and sat down, but Dib could barely stay seated. He couldn't wait to tell them al his theories and beliefs. Erika proceeded to take out a bag of Fudgems and watch two bugs on the floor. She didn't seem like a UFO fanatic, but she seemed ot be a regular here. Suddenly, boy approached Erika and said, "I just want to thank you for showing me the truth."

"Oh, no problem," Erika said, "my new friend, Dib; he's going to talk tonight."

"Welcome, friends!" a man walked up to a podium and said, "we're here tonight-,"

"To uncover the truth!" Dib shot up. "I know the truth! about the kid in my class named Zim!"

"Him to?" Erika raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Wow!"

"No on will understand me," Dib continued. "But now I can speak the truth!"

"You know I always thought something but I didn't think-,"

"Oh this is so liberating," Dib exhilarated. "I-,"

"He's ready to admit he's GAY!" Erika said happily.

Dib went very pale and his eyes widened. "WHAT?!"

……………

As he hid in the shadows, Number 26 watched this scene. He pressed a few buttons on his wrist communicator.

"Is the task complete, Number 26?" his young ruler asked.

"Well," replied the penguin, "I found out he's gay."

"We already know that!" the Empress yelled. "Is he dead yet?!"

"Um," Number 26 stammered, "well not exactly…."

"Are you for serious, you imbecile!" the Empress scolded.

Number 26 panicked. "My Lady, I'm sorry!"

"You've failed me, Number 26." Her voice became demonic and hoarse. "You will pay dearly."

"No, My Lady! Wait!" she clicked off.

…………….

Katt propped her feet on the computer board and took sip of her Dr. Pepper. She flipped her hair back in frustration.

"That was quite impressive," Zim observed. "Where did you learn? Tell me."

"My own instinct," Katt replied. "I'm not a good person to mess with."

Zim nodded. Katt lifted her pant leg and took out a light saber. She pressed the button, releasing the blade. "You want something done right," Katt said, sinisterly waving th red glowing weapon about, "you gotta do it yourself."

Zim smirked. "I like the way you think penguin human."

Katt smiled smugly. "Me too. Now where did I set that-," An explosion suddenly came from one of Zim's high-tech machines. Katt laughed nervously. "Oh, that's where it went."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Reviews Welcomed.


	5. Chapter 5

Summery: Seemingly normal teen girls live the world of IZ. Very funny and extremely random with maybe few inside jokes, allusions to other entertainment, and MAJOR BUSH BASHING! Rated for safety. The story gets a bit creepy later. Reviews welcomed.

Disclaimer: None of us own IZ or anything else except the new names.

I welcome you to our insanity….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE ZIM CHRONICLES

"Wait, Dib!" Erika cried. "Come back!"

Dib didn't even turn around, he just kept running and screaming, but at least now he was screaming words. "You're just like the rest of them! You think it's cool to make fun of me because I'm obsessed with aliens!"

Erika had to stop. Her lungs were turning to goo. She panted heavily and waved her hand weakly. "I –gasp- never made fun of you! I –wheeze- didn't even know you liked paranormal stuff… -wheeze-."

Dib did stop. "What made you think I was gay?"

Erika shrugged. "You just seemed so obsessed with that green guy – E.T…no, Alf? Erm, Kane…R2D2-,"

"ZIM!"

"Yah, that's the one!" Erika snapped her fingers, "I just thought you were in love and afraid to admit it."

Dib frowned and said, "Well, I'm not gay."

Erika held up her hand out in mock defense. "Sorry, sorry, sorry." She stood up and dusted the seat of her pants off. "Don't get you briefs in a bunch. Anywho, if you're interested in alien stuff, why don't you just ask Zim about it like a normal person?"

Dib frowned. "Do you honestly think he'd tell me anything?"

Erika shrugged. "I don't' know. If not, just ask Katt, and she'll-ahh!"

She ducked as a penguin in a small plane flew at them, firing Oreos.

………………

Zim glared at Katt. "What. Did. You. DO?!"

Katt smiled nervously. "Explosive Oreos. I guess I forgot where I put that one."

"And they're not properly stored WHY?!" Zim ranted.

Katt shrugged. She went back to typing. "Aha!" Katt piped happily. "I've got it!"

……………

Dib and Erika ducked behind a rock as the penguin searched for its target after finally ceasing fire. "That's one of Katt's penguins!" Number 26!" Erika exclaimed, pointing to it.

"What?!" dib yelled. "And you're telling me she'll help me?!"

"Okay, okay, let's not jump to conclusions."

"Jump to conclusions?!" Dib shouted in outrage. "There's a penguin trying to assassinate me!"

"Well, he'll succeed if we don't get out of here," Erika stated, making a run for it, dragging Dib behind her.

"Okay, I think Katt's gone a little too far," Erika said as they ran from flying Oreos.

……………

Katt and Zim came up to the ground floor, looking much too pleased with them.

"Come, Gir," Zim commanded. "We have things to do."

Lizz folded her arms. "And where are you all going?" she asked. Katt raised an eyebrow. Since when was Lizz parental? "Somewhere."

Katt became distracted be the romance that was Piggie and Number 12 and didn't see Lizz's dissatisfaction.

"You shall see, puny Earth wife," Zim answered. "You shall see…."

………………

Erika stood in front of Dib and in the penguin's range of fire. Its eyes glowed red and in a deep, mechanical voice it said, "Out of the way, friend of Empress!"

Erika retrieved a banana from no where and began to peel it. the penguin began a count-down to fire. "Five! Four! Three!"

"Oh, would you knock it off? You know good and well you'd never even graze a hair on my head, Catelyn can't sleep at night without her bedtime story."

Dib flailed his arms. "Get out of the way! It'll kill you!"

"No, it won't," Erika laughed. "It'll just try to get me out of the way and if it succeeds…it'll kill you!"

The penguin grew large and cannons appeared on either side of it in place of wings. It's feet retracted inwardly and were replaced with army-tank style wheels. It aimed its main cannon ahead. "MOVE!!!!" It bellowed, prodding Erika.

"No! Get me Catelyn! I'll talk to her myself!" She pushed the enormous gun-barrel away.

"NEVER!! MOVE OR I'LL FIRE!!!" the penguin roared, emitting a powerful, glowing wind.

"I'll scream," Erika stood up and childishly began screaming and head off. CATELYN, NUMBER 26 IS PICKING ON ME!! WAAAHH! CATELYN!"

"No, no! Stop! Shh! I'll get her, I'll get her!" The penguin grew nervous. "Hush! I'll get,"

The screaming girl not only failed to stop screaming, but she also threw herself on the ground and began pounding her fists and kicking her feet. Dib watched; wide-eyed and silent.

"NUMBER 26!" Katt, Zim, and Gir suddenly landed on the ground behind them.

"M'lady!" the penguin bowed. "I can explain!"

Erika sniffled and pointed at it. "He frightened me…."

"It's alright Erika," Katt said comforting her friend. She glared at Number 26. "You are to report back to base immediately! Number 1 will deal with you!"

Two tiny penguins in jet packs appeared and began to drag Number 26 away to Antarctica.

"Now," Katt said popping her knuckles. She eyed Dib. "On to better things." She gave Zim a smirk.

"Shall we?"

"Let's," Zim replied. Both Katt and Zim brought out light sabers.

"Ooooh, pretty," Gir remarked.

"This is where it ends, Dib!" Zim bellowed. "Muahahahahaha!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Or is it?

Reviews Welcomed.


	6. Chapter 6

Summery: Seemingly normal teen girls live the world of IZ. Very funny and extremely random with maybe few inside jokes, allusions to other entertainment, and MAJOR BUSH BASHING! Rated for safety. The story gets a bit creepy later. Reviews welcomed.

Disclaimer: None of us own IZ or anything else except the new names.

I welcome you to our insanity….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE ZIM CHRONICLES

"Katt!" Erika interrupted as the insane duo raised their weapons. "He's unarmed! That's not like you!"

Katt threw Dib plastic spork. "There. Happy now?"

"Oh, come on! You've gotten way to into this!"

"Ya know, Erika," Katt said. "I really don't want to hurt you, but Zim doesn't really care so…could you please move?"

Erika went into thought. "Nah."

Katt looked at her friend pleadingly. Erika rolled her eyes and moved away. Katt and Zim raised their weapons again.

"Wait, listen to me, Katt," Dib begged. "You don't have to do this. Do you really want HIM as your ruler?"

Katt closed her light saber and her hands went to her hips. She looked at the pale boy indignantly.

"How would you know?! For all you know Zim could be a good leader! How do you know what his plans for Earth are?!"

As Katt continued her rant, Erika noticed Dib fiddling with something.

"You both want to be noticed as formidable members of your societies! Is that so-,"

"A closer look revealed that it was a laser gun.

"Katt!" Erika yelled. "LOOK OUT!"

Dib leaped foreword and aimed the gun at Zim. "Eat lasers, Zim!" Dib yelled.

"ZIM!" Katt exclaimed, jumping to knock Zim out of range.

"KATT!" Erika cried in worry.

"TACOOOOOS!" Gir announced.

Zim fell to the ground and Katt fell flat on her back. The only unfortunate happening was that Katt's shoelace was singed.

Gir giggled and ripped the shoelace from Katt's shoe and wrapped it around a stick. "Spaghetti!" he declared, and offered the shoelace to Lizz.

"Thank you, Gir!" She took the shoelace and ate it all in one bite.

"Wow," Gir said. "I love you so much, wife!" With that, he flew upward and kissed her right on the mouth.

"GIR! Do not KISS the filthy HUMAN! Do you want to get a filthy human WORM BABY?!"

"You can't get pregnant from kissing!" Erika informed him. "And we're not filthy, right Catelyn?" They all looked at her, but she was inspecting her armpits for mold and didn't answer.

"Katt?" Erika called.

"Uggha-ugh?" Katt looked up. Her brow furrowed in deep concentration. She suddenly realized where she was and quickly went back to Penguin Empress mode.

"I think it's up to Gir and Lizz whether they make babies or not." Katt said.

"Okay, that was weird," Lizz announced, wiping off her lips with the back of her hand.

"Yeah," Gir agreed.

"Let's never do that again."

"Kitty!" Gir screamed chasing after a little black cat that had been unfortunate enough to be in Gir's range of vision.

"Num-nums!" Katt bellowed, following after them, waving the light saber like club.

"We should probably follow her, huh?" Erika asked Lizz, who nodded. They made Chewbacca noises and suddenly he was right therein front of them. They jumped on his back and Erika ordered: "Follow that caveman!"

Dib glance sheepishly at Zim after they were gone.

"So," Zim said, rocking back and forth on his heels.

"So," Dib echoed.

They stared in each other's eyes for a long time until Erika sauntered back and said "Meh. I lost 'em."

Dib sighed and shook his head. "How could you be so blind, Erika? The world is in danger! And you and your friend seem to have no comprehension of that!"

Erika shrugged and replied, "Pollution, global warming, alien invasion…the worlds always in some kind of danger…. I say we just sit back and watch."

"Yes!" Zim raise a finger. "That's the submissive, slave-like attitude you STINKING, FILTHY humans need to have!"

Erika scoffed. "whatever, I'm going to find Catelyn then we're going to IHOP."

Dib, who'd been ranting nonsense to sir suddenly stopped and looked at her. "I like IHOP."

"Oh, well, why don't you come with me? I didn't want to wash dishes anyway."

Suddenly, Lizz and Gir fell from the sky with hand-gliders on their backs. Lizz's hair was frazzled and there was a bird's nest on Gir's head.

"Wow," Lizz said, "what a crazy adventure."

"We was flyin'!" Gir waved his arms. "And I hit a tree!"

"Dammit, Gir!" Zim grabbed the robot. "We're going home!"

"But…my taco wife! My taco wife!"

"Hey," Erika turned to Lizz and asked. "What happened to that big hairy thing?"

"Katt? She's still miss-,"

"NO, I mean Chewbacca."

"Oh. He fell into the water and drowned…or melted…." Lizz walked to Zim, towering above him. She simply tool Gir away from him and Zim frowned. He began to jump up and down for his robot and Lizz only laughed.

……………..

"Where am I?" Katt asked looking around. "I hate it when my subconscious cavemen personality takes over."

It was hot and sand littered every square ounce of land she saw. A cactus here, a lizard there…a camel…. She raised her fists and cried, "Hubba, hubba, zoot, zoot! I mean…wait…what did that mean?"

She had to get back to the others, but how? In the course of her caveman-like rampage, she'd lost her communicator. She'd also lost the shoe without laces and for some reason she had mud between her toes.

……………….

At IHOP, Erika, Lizz, Gir and Zim were seated in a booth. Oh and Dib too. He was about to sit by Erika, but she wagged a finger at him and said, "No, no. My coin purse sits here."

Dib frowned sadly. "Oh."

"Well, okay," Erika moved the coin purse. "You don't take up much room anyway."

Lizz and Gir were drinking from the different pitchers of syrup. Zim was complaining about anything and everything under the sun. Suddenly, a waitress zoomed by and practically loomed over them. "Are you ready to order?! Drink?! Food?!"

"But we haven't even opened our menus-,"

The waitress snarled like a Jurassic Park dinosaur. "You ORDER NOW!"

"We want waffles," Lizz said handing her menu over, then she and Gir began to Eskimo-kiss and talk in squeaky voices which made everyone else shift uncomfortably.

"I'll take French toast with strawberries," Erika said, "and a giraffe if you have it."

Zim and Dib glared at each other.

"He's an alien!"

"I'm not an alien!"

The waitress nodded, smiling and recited, "Okay, so I have two orders of waffles, a French toast with strawberries with a giraffe and two roasted aliens. Will that be all for you?"

Erika smiled. "That'll be it."

"Okay," she leaned over to Zim. "Would you like a kid's fun-filled coloring map, young man?"

"I'm not a young man. I am ZIM!"

………………

"So…hot…." Katt marine-crawled through the desert panting. "So…gritty…no penguins!"

She collapsed and sand blew over her. Soon, there was just a Katt-shaped heap of sand.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Or is it?

Reviews Welcomed.


	7. Chapter 7

Summery: Seemingly normal teen girls live the world of IZ. Very funny and extremely random with maybe few inside jokes, allusions to other entertainment, and MAJOR BUSH BASHING! Rated for safety. The story gets a bit creepy later. Reviews welcomed.

Disclaimer: None of us own IZ or anything else except the new names.

I welcome you to our insanity….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE ZIM CHRONICLES

"And that is how I will conquer Earth," Zim concluded, folding his hands and smiling smugly.

"Were talking that whole time?" Lizz asked, wadding a piece of napkin in her mouth and then sticking it in her straw. She then spit it at an old woman walking to her seat and the elderly lady fell over with a shriek. Lizz and Gir laughed.

"You know, Erika," Dib said, "I'm a really big fan of the X-Files."

Erika was squinting at a man she didn't know receiving French toast. "That's…lung-colapsing. Excuse me for a moment, I have to go buy shoes for my feet…" She walked over to the man and struck him with a magic eight ball. Lizz and Gir clapped, then threw a spit-wad at his head. Erika came back and said, "Now, Dot, what were you saying?"

"Dib," Dib corrected. "I was saying we have a lot in common."

Erika grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Take that back! Oh, wait, okay…." She sat down. "Wait! Where's Katt?!"

Everyone blinked.

"She hasn't been here the whole time, Erika," Lizz explained.

"Well, we gotta find her!" Eirka said hysterically. She went into a rant of immigration and humgry penguins Dib stared at her, googly-eyed and Lizz and Gir were playing the Bacon game again. Zim finally got sick of the chaos.

"SILENCE!" Zim yelled, jumping on the table. Everyone stared at Zim. "Crazy, Earth filth," Zim pointed as Erika. "Do you know where we may find your friend?"

"Well," Erika dug through her packets. "I have a old piece of gum, a ketchup packet, a tracking device, a pokeball-,"

"Gimme that!" Zim said, taking the tracking device. "Aha! The genius of ZIM! has found you're friend." He began walking out. "Come along all of you-,"

"Wait a minute," dib protested, coming to his senses. "Why do you care?"

Zim glared at Dib. "NONSENSE! Dib-stink! The girl hasn't helped me in my HORRIBLY GENIUS PLAN! She is still of some value to me."

"Uh-huh, sure," Dib argued.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Zim yelled.

"I think you like that penguin cave girl," Dib taunted.

"Don't be so foolish, worm-baby!" Zim retorted. "The almighty ZIM! does not 'like' anyone. Besides I think YOU 'like her!" Zim pointed to Erika, who was busy playing with her pokeball.

"Real mature, Zim," Dib said, folding his arms. "Turning this around on me to hid you'r own feelings."

"Your death is already imminent, Dib-jerk," Zim threatened. "And when that comes not even that FILTHY girl of your affections will save you."

They both stared at Erika, who smiled gleefully…totally unaware.

………………

Katt woke up. Weary and hot. She was used to the cold terrain of Antarctica, certainly not this. When did America get desert anyway?

She presided to cleaning her feet. She didn't care how long it would take, she knew she'd be rescued, and she wanted to look her best. Once she was done making herself as presentable as she could at the moment, she found herself extremely bored. She sighed. "I hope they can find me," she stated.

Suddenly, a large whistling noise came from above. Katt looked up to see Zim's ship hovering over her. She smiled as the lift was lowered and happily climbed aboard.

"Katt!" Erika said happily. She held out her arms. Katt ran toward her, arms wide open, but instead of embracing Erika, Katt ran to Zim and hugged him.

"Yay! You saved me!" Katt hopped around crazily, practically choking the little Irken.

"What…no," Zim scolded. "Release me you evil Earth pest! RELEASE ME!"

Katt sat him down still smiling. "Gosh, calm down, Zim. I was just thanking you."

"Think nothing of it, penguin ruler," Zim replied. "I, ZIM! have saved your life for one purpose. You made me deal, which I intend you to uphold."

"Oh," Katt said, trying to hide her slight disappointment. "I…I thought you were paying me back for saving you."

Zim stared at Katt silently as they departed back to suburbia. As they flew along, Zim couldn't help but ask, "By the way, penguin Earth girl, why did you save me?"

Katt smiled sheepishly. "Come on, what kind of wife would I be if I let Dib kill you?"

"Taquitos!" Gir screamed, thrashing at Zim's pants.

"Okay, Gir." Zim sighed and pulled a taquito out of his pants, placing it on the Gir's nose like a dog biscuit.

"That's what the lump was," Katt said.

"Why did you have a taquito in your pants?" Dib asked him.

"You want to be in his pants!" Erika shouted.

"What?" The floating computerized face of Dib's father appeared. Zim panicked. Luckily, he had his disguise with him and quickly put it on.

"Oldest offspring," Prof. Membrane said. "There's a scary agent here asking for the foreign child and some penguin empress."

Everyone looked at Zim and Katt while Gir munched happily on the taquito.

"He says he's from," Prof. Membrane announced, "the GOVERNMENT!"

Erika, Katt, and Zim screamed. Zim realized that he and Katt had embraced each other and they jumped away and screamed some more.

"Wait," dib turned to Erika, "why are you screaming?"

Erika shuttered. "Bush is so stupid."

Dib rolled his eyes and looked a Lizz and Gir, who were cuddling, then Katt and Zim, who stood back to back, whistling.

"So in denial," Dib muttered.

"What was that, creatin?!" the empress and invader shouted at the pale boy, shaking their fists. They eyed each other again then went back to whistling.

"Son," Dib's father said. "Tell the foreign child and his girlfriend to be here at seven tomorrow." He disappeared. Dib turned to see Erika holding Katt and Lizz and Gir hold Zim. Zim finally calmed down and returned to steering. He gave Dib one last look of loath. "FILTHY worm-baby!"

Dib shrugged and returned to his seat. Katt, however, was not done. "You are so dead, Dib-dweeb!" Katt growled. She sat next to Zim in the front.

"What did I do?!" Dib complained. Both Zim and Katt eyed him hatefuly, then turned back foreword.

Erika looked at her wrist watch. "Hey, it's only 2:00 PM! Let's go get some chow!"

Whoa," Lizz said, "This day is _really_ long."

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Reviews Welcomed.


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